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Golden Globes: Ricky Gervais takes his shots

Ricky Gervais’s third Golden Globes monologue was his harshest yet. Ricky Gervais wasted no time taking aim at the his opening monologue and firing salvos at the Hollywood Foreign Press Assn. and NBC, the two principals behind the night’s festivities and also Kardashian.

Here are some excerpt:

“So, where was I? Nervous? Don’t be. This isn’t about you. Right. Hello, I’m Ricky Gervais and welcome to the 69th annual Golden Globe Awards. Tonight, you get Britain’s biggest comedian hosting the world’s second biggest award show on America’s third biggest network. Oh, sorry, fourth. It’s fourth. For any of you who don’t know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without any of that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the oscars are what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton, actually: a bit lourder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker and more easily bought. Allegedly, nothing’s been proved. But who needs the Oscars? Not me and not Eddie Murphy. He walked out on them, he said no, and good for him. But when the man who said yes to ‘Norbit’ says no to you you know you’re in trouble. I love Eddie Murphy. He loves dressing up. He’s versatile. Bit of trivia. Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler, between them, played all the parts in ‘The Help.’ Brilliant.”

“The Hollywood Foreign Press have warned me that if I insult you or cause any controversy, they would invite me back next year… [They gave me] list of rules, and this is real: no profanity, that’s fine, I’ve got a huge vocabulary. No nudity — see that’s a shame, because iv’e got a huge… vocabulary, but tiny penis. It works, I don’t care, It’s fine. No smut or innuendo. Or I’m not to libel any one. And I musn’t mention Mel Gibson this year. Not his private life, his politics, his recent films or especially not Jodie Foster’s beaver. I havent seen it myself. I’ve spoken to a lot of guys — they haven’t seen it either but that doesn’t mean it’s not good.”

But the Golden Globe aren’t just about movies. They also celebrate the best in TV as well. New shows such as the amazing ‘Homeland.’ It’s amazing. And returning shows like ‘Boardwalk Empire.’ I love that show, it’s great. It’s about a load of immigrants who came to America about 100 years ago and they got involved in bribery and corruption and worked her way into high society. But enough about the HFPA.”
To Johnny Depp: “I want to ask you a question. And be honest. Are you on recreational drugs? I’m joking, thats not the question. And we know the answer [to that]. Have you seen ‘The Tourist’ yet?”